The Germaine Files

by Ishani

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about

this album spans about four years. it was actually meant to be an ep, but i decided it was a great idea to churn out some folk punk songs and slide them on here. it includes songs i made when i was fourteen and songs i made in december (naturally, i've grown to hate them all). see if you can guess which ones are from when. bad production is bad production, it won't give anything away.
in loving memory of germaine hudson (rip, 13/11/2011).

credits

released January 29, 2013

recording/writing/instruments - ishani

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Ishani London, UK

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Track Name: Hey!
2



You think you give a lot, but all you do is take
Hey man, give yourself a break!
You've gotta let yourself down for your girlfriend's sake
Hey man, give yourself a break!

Turn around and pick yourself up before you're gone
Take my hand, but give it back before the break of dawn
You'll just forget 'til you've got nothing left and left and left and left and

I'm living underground between the five great lakes
Hey man, give yourself a break!
I want my house back, but they said I couldn't stay
Hey man, give yourself a break!

It could be harder, could be harder than you're willing to admit
But don't stand down, you should stand up for yourself and take the hit
You'll just forget 'til you've got nothing left and left and left and left and

Hey mister man, can you hear the buildings shake?
Hey man, give yourself a break!
The shipping office said that it was our mistake
Hey man, give yourself a break!

And we're all falling, falling faster than the speed of sound
Nine miles a second, I keep trying but I'm losing count
I'll kind of miss you but you're less and less and less and less and less and less and less and less to me
Track Name: Bodily Adventures
The dark calls me softly
What can I do but go into its clutches?
Little did I know that's where the crux is
I stepped back into my own head
And I said, 'Is this the future?'
Then I realised it was me
The wind whistles round me
I caught myself a ride upon a brain cell
It's a little known fact that they really act as trains there
I've traveled from my head to my feet
On the way I opened all the cells, and acted peachy keen

And I think I might have caused myself a heart attack
I'd like to think I gave something useful back
But I cannot help but think that it's better out there
I'd send my organs admirations, but I don't think they'd care

Won't somebody help me?
I think I've got a person in my bloodstream
I feel them when I'm driving myself upstream
I'd settle but it's really uncomfortable
Having yourself inside you when you'd rather be out there
My eyes shut like curtains
I walk when I'm asleep and I can't help it
I'd like to look inside me and tell myself that I am selfish
I'd ask what I am doing to me
And then I'd laugh myself to tears and then I'd cry myself to sleep
Track Name: I Was Scared To Die
I was scared to die so I looked myself in the eye
I said I'd write myself a punk song, and I've never felt so brave
I took lessons from the creatures and I flipped off all my teachers
I thought I was an anarchist, I've never felt so brave
I've never smoked a cigarette, I've never been a suffragette
I've done plenty that I regret, I've never felt so brave
I've waited for the spring to come, I've taught myself to walk and run
I've always slept before the sun, I've never felt so brave

Every word I ever said was nothing but a cheap regret
And every regret I ever had was one step closer to the end
And every end I ever attended was disappointing and poorly rendered
And every end I ever rendered was even worse, they said

I was scared to die so I looked myself in the eye
I said I'd do something that scared me and I've never felt so brave
I could face me fear of spiders, or of guns, or too much cider
I could drink myself into a daze, I've never felt so brave

Every drink I swallowed down was short and left me seeing circles
And every circle I was in made me drink some more
And every drink I swallowed down was cheap and gold and went right through me
And all the gold that went right through me left me lying on the floor

I was scared to die so I looked myself in the eye
I said I'd care for those who cared for me, I've never felt so brave
But I've never been so selfish, and I've never had a wish
Backfire on me so very badly that I've never felt so brave
I've touched everything that I could ever place two hands on
And I've burned and maimed and cut myself, I've never felt so brave
I don't think it's time to let myself go and I'm crying
For the people that can let go, 'cause I'll never be that brave

I've never been quite brave enough to lose myself and just give up
I am just too scared to die, and find out what's on the other side
I leave my research in the hands of those prepared to make last demands
From everybody that they know, from everyone who's tried
'Cause everyone I ever met thought they were just a cheap regret
And every regret I ever had was one step closer to the edge
And every edge I ever jumped over was fleeting and quiet and caked in silver
And all the silver in the world couldn't make me numb, they said

I was scared to die so I looked myself in the eye
I said I'd write myself a punk song and I've never felt so brave
I was scared to die so I looked myself in the eye
I lost myself in the infinity, I've never felt so brave
I was scared to die so I looked myself in the eye
I knew I was afraid of everything, I've never felt so brave
I was scared to die, so I looked myself in the eye
And I admitted to myself, I am nothing I am no one, I am here
Track Name: Magpies
Magpies, floating on the island
Rows of people, sitting on the fence
They talk with their eyes, as if it makes a difference
The candlelight shines on the ones standing on the edge

As if to say, 'The sun will rise again,
And where will you be then?'
The morning shines, it shines so bright for you
But you still sleep in 'til ten

Sitting, sitting on the seafront
Jumping off barriers to land in the soft sand
The world looks different from here, everything looks a little closer
Another one gone through the magnifying glass

And though you try, you try your best to fly
The sun will keep you down
But if you run, the wind will pick you up
And kites will wonder how

And though you say you're brave enough
We don't believe you're capable of showing your face
Losing your faith
You'll prove them wrong
Track Name: Mad Dog To Bird Dog
Whoa man!
Would you look outside, that bird thinks he's a dog
He's carrying a stick around to convince the world he's higher up
He's at the top
Hey now!
Would you look at that? He's very very young
He's got the wrong end of the stick and he's drawing the short straw
He's got astigmatism in his eye and he flinches when he gets real shy
Because no one invites him round to their breeding grounds just to hang out
So he's lonely and he knows that he's the only one
So he sits and he sighs and he sings to himself

Things are changing if you try
You might just find you're strong enough to fly
Because you're not a dog and you don't fetch or make those big sad eyes
And though you carry sticks
Well maybe it has come to this
Maybe it's a little twist
And maybe it's a, maybe it's a shocker
Maybe it's a big surprise for everyone who knows you
But they'll all soon come to realise that you are only your own
Because without yourself you cannot be more than an empty shell
Or a blank face or a glass table waiting for the coaster rings

And they will leave their marks
And you will be left with heavy scars

But at least you know that you are not too scared to sing alone
Because if you catch my drift I think you'll find it goes a little bit like this:

Be strong and carry on and if you fall you'll fall alone
But if you ask us nicely then we might be nice and guide you to
Where you wanna go
We will take you far away from here
You'll disappear

At least you know that you are not too scared to sing alone
Because if you catch my drift I think you'll find it goes a little bit like this:

Be strong and carry on and if you fall you'll fall alone
But if you ask us nicely then we might be nice and guide you home

'Cause if you think about the birds that fly
We might just learn from the early risers, you and I
Track Name: Shop Talk
I'm so angry
And I walk with days around me
And I take all my pills daily
And I listen to nobody

I am self assured
I am overrated
I am tangible
I'm saturated by your soul

I keep bears
In my back gardens
And we live in fear
Of passing park wardens

I am lonely words
I'm commemorated
I am dotted 'i's
I'm saturated by your soul

Talk, just let me talk
Don't let me speak, don't me
Talk, just let me talk,
Don't let me talk, don't let me speak, don't let me

I'm so angry
That my vision's black and blurry
I've got all my wits about me
And all my organs failing

I am curtains drawn
I am so frustrated
I am written off
I feel so outdated
I am burning out
I'm eviscerated
I am beaten down
I am saturated by your soul
Track Name: The Ivy & The Hemlock
My eyes tell lies
And all my lies are white
I will lie between the ivy and the hemlock
In wait of the wishbone
In wait of the night

Don't you listen to me
I've been told I'm very easy to mislead
And when I hear the nightingale
I know that I've been led astray
And the distance!
How it listens as you walk away

I've found myself under attack
Though I wander at night
I've found worlds in suitcases
And I've twisted myself inside out
I'm not so certain now

It's such an easy way to be
Riddled with uncertainty
Will we live to see a bang or a whimper?
Most uncertainly
Be nice to the water
And we'll wait and see
We're climbing the walls here
But we'll wait and see

And the front door is still open
But where is the key?
Track Name: Fighting Dragons
I was born an orphan
I fought dragons for a living
I got money for a killing
But they found me too forgiving
So they fired my sorry ass
And packed my sorry bags and hat
And sent me down the River Rhine
With a New York Financial Times

I looked through all the listings
But I really could not find
Another job to leave me feeling
Even half as satisfied
You may say, 'Oh, fighting dragons?
That is no big need of mine!'
But it's just like cleaning toilets,
Watching birds or fighting crime

You start with one companion
Then you move and multiple
Until you're fighting fire
And you're fighting ice with ice
You might think it's a different medium
Just like oak, cherry or cedar
But when it comes down to the hearth
You'll find you're very much surprised

That's why I like fighting dragons
Take your fifties, you can have 'em
I'll do what I love for free
And you can bet I'll save this city
You can curse me, you can thank me
I'll say 'I love you' just the same
And I'll ask to write you letters
And I'll ask you for your name

That's how I've tended to function
Since they left me on my own
I collect things that I treasure
Like names, addresses and homes
And I find it gives more pleasure
Than a dragon scale or two
'Cause I'd rather see you on the train
And sit down next to you

That's how I became a traveler
Being a vagrant's so much sadder
But I make so many friends
And I keep them between my bookends
I'd claim to be of interest
But I really hate to lie
I don't think I could be a traveler
'Cause I hate saying goodbye

And everyone I know
Says they would hate to see me go
So I went back from where I came from
Just to say I told them so
I was greeted with a welcome
Of enthusiasm seldom
Mustered by the crowds my hometown makes
And sends off row by row

Though they haven't fought the dragons
They've developed quite a system
And for all my weary protests
I cannot say that I missed them
So I packed my sorry bags and sorry keys and sorry hat
And I looked for a new job so I could get out of my head

Now I've been through every listing
From art to directing Christenings
And I've settled for guitar and drums
And whistling when I can
Though I've never lost my voice
I sometimes lose my words by choice
For nothing makes me quite as nervous
As the judging eyes of man

So I guess I'm just a vagrant
'Cause a busker's much more flagrant
In the way that he presents himself
Along the pavement's side
I take my love of fighting dragons
And my safety and my bags
And I pretend that I have made the laws
By which I do abide

And I'll keep on singing songs
About how I'll never say goodbye